


A Long-Awaited Fate

by writing_and_worrying



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Animal Death, DadSchlatt, Dehumanization, Derogatory It/Its Pronouns, Diary/Journal, Drowning, Enemies to Friends, Friends to Enemies, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Imprisonment, Jschlatt-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Psychological Torture, Sheep Hybrid Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Water, Wilbur Soot-centric, Wrongful Imprisonment, based on the water rising video, big fuck you to the death penalty, yeah i bet you weren't expecting THOSE tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29000649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writing_and_worrying/pseuds/writing_and_worrying
Summary: In a world where the death penalty is accompanied by a year of build-up, two prisoners find themselves trapped in a natural prison slowly filling with water. Torn from their lives in the city, they have been given a house to live in, animals to hunt, and a 365-page journal each. After a year, the earth-basin will be full, and they will drown.The catch: if one kills the other, the survivor gets to walk free.---Inspired by the 'water rising' video on Wilbur's channel. Please do not read without considering the tags. This is just a quick thing I've been working on, no idea how long it'll be!
Relationships: Jschlatt & Wilbur Soot, No Romantic Relationship(s), platonic relationships only
Comments: 203
Kudos: 248





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hullo. It's me again, back with whatever the hell I do with my life. This time we have a journal entry-based fic revolving around the last year of two death-row prisoner's lives. This au is set in a near-future where the death penalty comes with a year of waiting and a morally-questionable opt-out. The work description pretty much sums it up.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! Leave a comment if so. Updates should be pretty regular since they aren't very long (300 words compared to my usual 3500 words)

_Day One._

_This Schlatt guy is a real asshole. I locked myself in my room because he has some weird obsession with not going in there. He says it's 'gay'... is he homophobic? God, I better not be stuck with that kind of guy for a year. But hey, he'd probably kill me otherwise. If I have to stay here for a year then so bloody be it. I'm not a writer, despite what people used to say, so I doubt these entries will be any good. I used to write songs, I guess._

_Schlatt's a ram hybrid, I think. Or is sheep the correct term? My family are mostly hybrids, so I'm not going to start being a dick about it. He doesn't help his case, though, being so stubborn and angry. I'm sure he was put here for just reasons._

_I've been falsely accused, of course. I'm sure you'll feel bad if you ever find this book. I suppose it'll be lost in the water. The crime was a double homicide, I believe. I don't even know, really. They just accused the first person they saw. I was taken from my family. I miss them. They think I did it. Oh, god, I'll die here without telling them I was innocent. Fuck. That's horrible._

_It's all so pointless, isn't it? I asked Schlatt if he wanted to set up a farm or something. There were some vegetables and seeds in the house, but not enough. He said he'll go hunting in the morning. What a prick._

_I've looked out over the water. Our shared house is about halfway up the hillside, with the water at the bottom. It's like a big bowl, with these huge cliffs surrounding us and the water and sand at the bottom. It might be my mind playing tricks on me, but I swear I saw the water level rise since we got here. But that can't be right, because we have a whole year to go, yet. I don't think I've processed that really. That I'll die here. Even if we didn't wait for the water, Schlatt would beat me in a test of strength. If I wanted to kill him and get out of here (become the murderer they think I am) I would have to be sneaky._

_I shouldn't even be thinking about that._

_Today, I wished I had my guitar. The cabin fever will only come quicker without it. Singing without it would be strange, and probably annoying, and give Schlatt another reason to kill me. Still, I do miss it terribly. It had been a gift for my fifteenth birthday. Something for when Toms was born. ~~Right before we were abandoned~~. I wonder if Schlatt misses anything. Unlikely. The man's here for a reason. _

_I won't get out of here alive, no one does. But still, I want to make the most of this last year. Even though Schlatt is insufferable already, I want to make it work. We can grow some crops and catch fish and maybe we could find a way out of here if we worked together. He'll have to stop shouting through my door, first._

_That's it for today._

_My name is Wilbur Soot. Goodbye._

_\---_

_1  
I don't want to die.   
_ _All I did was try to help.  
_ _It doesn't matter.  
I don't deserve this shit.   
Fuck.   
Fuck this guy, Wilbur. He's a cuck.   
I heard him crying. Oh, what've you got to cry about, asshole?! You'll put a knife through my back eventually. You'll be fine!   
But sure, build your silly little farm.   
Whatever.   
I really don't want to die. I'm scared of that, might as well be honest. Make it quick, eh?   
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.   
I hate this.   
Goddammit.   
Wasn't even fair. Nothing's fair.   
Everything is so...   
Bye.   
\- S_


	2. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to unravel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you thought I was going to write 365 entries (x 2) you were wrong. That would get boring very quickly. Hopefully I can hold your attention for long enough with these updates!
> 
> Have fun reading this one...

_Day Five_

_He finally let me set up my farm! I think we're getting somewhere since he isn't threatening me at every corner. He even helped plant a few potatoes before he went off to sulk again. At least that's what I think he's doing. Sulking and hunting. There's something very animalistic about that. Oh, I probably shouldn't say things like that. It's the kind of thing Dad would lecture me about. At least Schlatt's helping, I wouldn't survive a day on my own._

_I was wrong about him, a little. He's still an asshole but at least he has the skill to back himself up. He comes back every day with fish and rabbits—too much to store but he says we'll need excess in winter. I told him I'm not sure if seasons work the same here. He said he can feel the air getting colder. It's the end of summer right now, so I guess that makes sense. I wonder if he has some hybrid ability to sense the weather, or if he can just do it anyway. Would it be rude to ask? It would probably be rude to ask. I guess I can see some of the few trees have started to brown. That's something I like about my room, I can see the whole world from my window, or at least the bit we're trapped in. It's nice._

_Today he asked me why I'm here. I told him the truth but he didn't believe me. I asked him why he's here, he said he was 'trying to help someone and it went wrong—barely a crime, really'. Let's just say neither of us are very trusting right now. He doesn't seem like the type to tell the truth._

_We ate together this evening for the first time. He does the cooking because he insists on it, but I've taken my plate to my room until now. Only because he asked me to stay. I couldn't say no to that, could I? I worried that he'd poisoned me, and was waiting for me to start choking so he could stand over me and smile and whisper something evil into my ear as the life drained from my body. All evening I was thinking about that. I crafted this story in my head of who Schlatt was and why he was here, really, and how he was the true villain behind everything. But no, nothing so dramatic—at least not yet. We shared our food in peace._

_He said a prayer at the table, which I didn't mind. It reminded me of the orphanage I grew up in. I didn't join him. Watching was kind of weird, though. I took the time to think about my family, not that I don't think about them enough already, but because the moment felt right. I'm scared that Tommy hates me. I know I shouldn't have favourites, but Tommy is my brother by blood, so I guess I've always been closer to him. We were orphaned together, but he doesn't remember. He's only a kid._

_Schlatt didn't yell at me today. I hope we continue to get along. This is so much nicer than fighting._

_Every night so far, I've cried. It's the darkness, I think. It feels like it's crushing me to death. And then I start thinking about my family, and home, and the hell that awaits us. It's torture to drag it out this long. I hope Schlatt hasn't heard me. It's embarrassing._

_That's all. May the day come with hope._   
_\- Wilbur_

\---

_5_   
_I said a prayer at the table and he thought it was weird. I can tell._   
_Trying to be his friend. Maybe he won't fucking kill me._   
_He doesn't even see me as human. Why would he?_   
_Trying to hunt more often so he has less chances to hurt me._   
_He could be nice. I don't know._   
_But people will do anything for their family._   
_He has a family. I don't. He deserves to go back more anyway._   
_And he's innocent. I told him I don't believe him, I don't know why. He didn't believe me, anyway._   
_Why did this have to happen?_   
_For fuck's sake!_   
_God fucking dammit!  
Fuck you!_   
_Why am I not just swearing out loud?  
I'm stupid._   
_Okay, that's better._   
_He just hit the wall and told me to shut up. So much for friends._   
_Whatever, I don't tell him to shut up when he's all sad n shit. I could if I wanted to. I could say 'stop fucking crying you depressed bitch'._   
_I'm such an asshole._   
_Can he just kill me already so I don't have to deal with social interaction? I'm tired._   
_Oh well._   
_I'm sure it'll be fine._   
_I still don't want to die._   
_But if it means an innocent man walks free..._   
_Maybe._   
_No._   
_I don't want that._   
_I want to be free, too._   
_There's no good way around it.  
We're fucked._   
_Bye._   
_\- S_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked leave a comment! Any kind of feedback, or just talking about the story, really motivates me :D


	3. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new variable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Hope you're enjoying the fic so far :) I know it's not much but it's just something fun for a break from my major long-form fics. Hopefully I'll be able to produce lots of these in a short timeframe.
> 
> Don't forget to drop a comment and kudos if you enjoy!

_Day Eleven_

_The messages have started. I didn't think it would be this quick, but apparently, we are quite the sensation. We both knew they were watching us, though the cameras are so small and so multitudinous there's no possible way to find them all. They must be in every room, barring the bathroom, maybe. We knew we had an audience, streamed to the masses live to their screens. We knew all of this, though we were still surprised when the messages started._

_I've always thought it was a sick form of torture. Being able to choose who you want to watch slowly go insane or cry themselves to sleep or stab their roommate to death never really screamed entertainment value to me. But it's popular. So popular that people will pay a lot to have the bot read their messages, or they'll watch for hours, collecting points until they have enough to send one._

_It happened before dinner, as we prayed. I'm not religious, but I've taken to joining Schlatt in thanking someone for the food. It doesn't matter who. The quiet moment lets me reflect on the day, and what I should write here. The food smelt nice, too. I think he'd used some of the vegetables I told him we didn't need to keep. Our evening meals are one of the few things I look forward to, at least so far. Today the moment was destroyed. It'll probably never get better. Unless they lose interest in us. Do you want to know what the message read?_

_'I hope you rot like the animal you are'. Directed at Schlatt, of course. Read aloud in that stupid robot voice. I never liked to watch these things when I was a free man, and I like it even less in person. The way he stopped and tensed, dropped his hands and muttered a curse. We didn't speak for the rest of the night._

_Now I'm waiting for my first message. It shocked me how quickly people racked up points—they must have been watching from day one—or maybe they just had the money to spare. Schlatt's had so many messages already. Because we're new, probably. The audience always likes new ones, then they get bored when they break. Most people don't last long, especially in this kind of imprisonment, murdering their fellow prisoner in hopes of escape. I suppose it's the water..._

_Each message is just as cruel as the last. I can hear them still going now through the wall. Poor Schlatt. I think he's going to throw a fit if it keeps up._

_It's hard to trust him still. He won't let me help with anything like hunting or cooking, but he seems nice enough. I find his eyes difficult. They're yellow with black slits for pupils, like a sheep or a goat. It unnerves me. Of course, he's a criminal, but if what he tells me is true, he's not all at fault. He's keeping us both alive better than I could, anyway. I don't hate him or anything._

_In the—_

_Oh._

_Just got my first message. Nothing more than a simple insult. Great. I wonder if Tommy is watching, trying to get points so he can send something less horrible. I wonder if any of them are watching. Tommy or Techno or Phil or Niki or Fundy or anyone. I don't know if I want them too. This is pathetic._

_Schlatt just screamed. I should make sure he's okay._

_Farewell for now._   
_\- Wilbur_

\---

_11_   
_Fuck this.  
Fuck you._   
_They won't fucking stop._   
_Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse. I forgot about the goddamn message._   
_What's it called? Text to speech?_   
_All just built to ruin us. They want to push us to murder. The very thing they put us here for._   
_Well, not exactly._   
_Besides, my messages are just lovely, thank you very fucking much._   
_By that, I mean I'm being called an animal about once every few minutes. Which is a luxury Wilbur doesn't have to bear._   
_He has to listen to it, though._   
_Damn shame our rooms are right next to each other._   
_Neither of us will be able to sleep._   
_..._   
_I'm thinking about him again._   
_I wonder if he knows. If he's been told._   
_Not a good thing to tell a kid, is it? 'Hey, just a heads up, your dad's death is being live-streamed to thousands of people'. No, he wouldn't do that to me. I told him never to talk about me._   
_Of all the people to trust with my boy..._   
_How old is he now?_   
_I'm... 27?_   
_10, then. Hey, that rhymes!_   
_Slime would find that funny. If he still cared._   
_Oh well._   
_Fuck, another message. Piss off, kindly._   
_It's going to be hard to sleep like this. They haven't had a hybrid in one of these stupid prisons for ages. It's like Christmas came early!  
Wilbur's trying to be nice._   
_He doesn't understand._   
_This afternoon he rambled about how his family are all different, even him and his biological brother (because he's got brown hair and his brother is blond) and how great it is that he has hybrids in his close circle and how concerned he is for hybrid rights. I don't know what hybrid rights have to do with his family, he just got there himself._   
_He's really trying, I'll give him that. I wonder if he carries the same attitude for the real world.  
Hmm._   
_Wilbur just got his first message. Heard it through the wall._   
_Man._   
_Fuck._   
_God. Fucking. Dammit.  
I should scream._   
_I'm going to._   
_I want to._   
_Fuck it._   
_\- S_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of the addition of text-to-speech? This au is so much fun.
> 
> Have a nice day :D


	4. Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Overhearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah we back. Leave a comment if you enjoy.

_Day Eighteen_

_It gets harder to concentrate every day. I'm getting about half the messages Schlatt does now, each one read in that god-forsaken robotic voice. Same inflexion each time, same basic sentiment. I used to read old history books about how criminals were put in stocks and had rotten fruit thrown at them. It said how good it is that we no longer subscribe to such barbaric and humiliating practices... I find it hard not to compare._

_No message from anyone I know, yet. Only those bored enough to spend their time harassing me all day. I really wish I had my guitar, at least with a song I'd be able to drown out the noise. Alas, the bastards who put us here took all of our precious belongings. It's unnecessarily cruel._

_Schlatt told me about an orphanage, in between the droning voice of the messages. He said that the whole reason he's here is that he wanted to protect some kids. When I asked him how, he waved his hand and told me it was a long story. Maybe another day. I mentioned I'm an orphan, in case he'd forgotten, and he looked at me all sad before going off to brood again. He's one of those people who brood. I never really liked that kind of guy, but I suppose he's alright._

_I'm still pretty much house-bound. Schlatt goes out and catches food and does all the cooking and cleaning. I said he was like a housewife and a breadwinner all in one (he didn't take kindly to half of the statement) and that I was basically useless. He gave me this weird look when I said that. It's one of those things I shouldn't say. Dad would have scolded me for it, but it's worse because I'm only confirming what he already knows. I'm useless. Really, completely useless. He could get rid of me and live here all the same until the wardens came to save him at the end of the year._

_I guess I never mentioned how that works. You don't get picked up immediately if you kill your 'cellmate', despite what is commonly believed. No, the rest of the year still has to go on as planned, but all the cameras are cut and the messages stop, and you get saved at the end. Maybe I should start pulling my weight. I would if he let me..._

_I've started to sleep with a knife. There was a brief period where I really thought we were getting along, but now I think the messages are getting to him. His ears twitch every time the bot starts talking. I don't know how much more either of us can take._

_It's odd to admit this, but I watched him hunt today. It gets so boring sitting around all day, and my farm only takes half an hour to tend to. So I followed him down to the water. He had a spear (I don't know how it was made) and he threw it to catch fish. The movements were crane-like (heron-like?) almost. Each fish he caught was viciously gutted and left to dry on the rocks. Then he walked into the little forest to the left, and I rushed back home before he could find out where I was. I don't know why I kept watching him, even when the smell of fish made me feel sick and the bloodied insides spilt out across the sand. Gross._

_Perhaps my family will be in contact soon. I hope so. It's starting to get harder to sleep, knowing everyone hates me. I wonder how Schlatt sleeps, with all those messages saying such awful things. Is it cruel to assume he's used to it? I don't know. It just feels... statistically right._

_I best try to sleep now._

_\- Wilbur_

\---

_18  
_ _Well... this is interesting.  
Fuck.  
The one day I decide to not sleep.  
Okay.  
I wouldn't have slept anyway.  
But this time it's on purpose.  
Anyway.  
Wilbur got a few messages while he slept.  
He's still sleeping now.   
Uhhhh.   
One of the messages.  
It was his brother. I think.  
Tommy?   
I know because it was nice.  
'Stay strong big W! You'll be okay. Me and Dadza are thinking about how to help.'  
Dadza. Hah. What.  
I should tell Wilbur when he wakes up.  
Can't believe he missed it.  
Maybe it was purposefully withheld.  
But... a part of me doesn't want to tell him.   
God, isn't that fucked up?  
Man finally gets a message from his family and I don't even tell him.  
It's because I'm a jealous bitch.  
Or something like that.  
This isn't the time for self-analysis.  
We'll see what I say in the morning.  
Oh, Christ.  
It's nearly midnight.  
I'm just a bad person, aren't I?  
Tried to tell Wilbur about the orphanage, couldn't bring myself to explain.  
And he followed me when I went hunting. Thought he was being stealthy, but he's really not (he's 6'5). Now he's seen me all... feral.  
It's disgusting.  
A necessary evil. For survival. Gutting fish and standing in water for hours on end.  
Yet he still sat with me at dinner, and didn't throw up, so that's a win.  
I don't know what I'm doing.  
Like, really.  
What's the point in all this... procedure?  
Wilbur's family are going to campaign for his freedom. And they'll win because he's obviously innocent.   
Then I'll be alone here.  
And there'll be nothing to do but wait.  
No option. No one to kill to get out (not that I want to do that, anyway). Just waiting.   
I hope my boy is okay.  
That's all I want.  
I could die happy.  
Maybe.  
Goddammit.  
Schlatt, you told yourself not to cry.  
Now look what you've done.  
Fucking hell.  
...  
Suppose it doesn't matter anymore, big guy. No one watching cares.  
Bye.  
\- S_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me making myself sad with my own fanfiction.


	5. Twenty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unheard screams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello kids. Let's pretend I know what I'm doing! Thanks <3
> 
> Leave comments, perhaps even suggestions for the fic. I'm improvising most of it...
> 
> Enjoy (?)

_Day Twenty-Three_

_There's something awfully inhumane about this. I don't even feel like a person anymore. Still no messages from my family, perhaps they've forgotten me already. I don't feel like writing today. I don't feel like getting up or eating or drinking or anything. I had breakfast, at least, but that was a disaster, too._

_Every day I go to check the water. For the first week, I almost forgot it was there, so obsessed with trying to get along with Schlatt, but now I'm back to my routine. It's comforting and horrific how slowly the level rises. I hate to think what it will look like in 100 days, or 200, when the trees and our little house are completely submerged. It will be beautiful, I suppose. I keep having dreams about it. And I'm scared because this water will kill me. Unless of course I..._

_No, I won't even think about it._

_Back to breakfast. It was going well this morning. Schlatt made some toast from homemade bread and it was amazing. He's a great cook. We sat together and prayed as usual and it was a nice day for once. The sun promised a long day of working on my farm and trying not to spy on my roommate. I was looking forward to it. Then something weird happened._

_It was all so sudden. Across the table, Schlatt dropped his food back onto the plate and went all tense. He wouldn't say anything to me, just shaking at his seat with eyes wide and blank. I thought the guy was having a stroke or something. But then he curled in on himself and covered his ears. And he screamed. This terrifying, inhuman scream. Or, that's a little derogatory, isn't it? I only use the term inhuman as a descriptor. It's been playing over and over in my head all day._

_He screamed himself hoarse, then he left. I haven't seen him since. He didn't call me to lunch or dinner, so I assume he's locked himself in his room again, just like I have. I'll have to ask what happened tomorrow. I'm certain he won't tell me._

_Other than that, I think our friendship has been less tense these past few days. I don't think he's going to try to kill me any time soon, so that's always a bonus, and we've been sharing the pain of the messages, which I guess is a bonding experience? I told him about my music, and how I miss my guitar. He told me he misses the simplicity of life. Back when things were normal, before all of this happened. He said he didn't mean this imprisonment, but life before that, a long time ago. I'm not sure if he even meant to tell me._

_I think one of the people watching sent something bad to Schlatt. More than a simple message, I mean. I don't know, it's rude to speculate, but I can't help but wonder what caused the upset at breakfast. Especially since whatever it was, I couldn't hear it, so it must have been something specifically meant for him._

_This system feeds on the cruellest parts of humanity. I hate it. Personal tortures and the promise of certain death, unless you want to trade someone else's life for your own. Doesn't that defeat the purpose?_

_I can only imagine how my roommate feels._

_Farewell for now._

_\- Wilbur_

\---

_23_   
_His screams._   
_They had to send his screams._   
_My boy._   
_My poor boy._   
_He's only a kid._   
_I tried to convince myself they weren't real._   
_It's something someone paid for, after all. Fake. Pre-recorded._   
_But it sounded so real._   
_Just like him._   
_I haven't heard his voice in so long._   
_Five years?_   
_And then it comes back to me like this._   
_How did they get that sound?_   
_Where is he?_   
_I'm so sorry. This was never meant to happen._   
_The Captain better be keeping him safe. I left him in that idiot's care for a reason._   
_Those screams better be fake._   
_Because God help me, I'll kill whoever hurt my boy._   
_My son._   
_What did he ever do?_   
_Nothing._   
_I don't know if I can keep doing this._   
_I can barely sleep._   
_Fucking hell._   
_They broke me so quickly._   
_Pathetic._   
_So fucking pathetic._   
_Please, I need to know if my son is okay._   
_I hope he isn't watching._   
_He doesn't need to see me so weak._   
_I'm sorry._   
_I'm sorry._   
_I said it, I'm fucking sorry!_   
_Just let him be okay._   
_Tubbo, what did they do to you?_   
_Goodbye._   
_\- S_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol :)


	6. Twenty-Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technology.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. Uh. So I may need to update the tags :)

_Day Twenty-Nine_

_Nothing from my family. Good. I don't want them watching me._

_Schlatt says that winter is coming sooner than he expected. The trees are all bare, and it is getting colder, so I'm inclined to believe him. He said this is a problem. That there will be less to hunt and more resources will have to be used to keep us alive. My farm didn't get the chance to produce crops. It's too cold. Which is a shame, because I really wanted to do something useful for once. Schlatt told me I'm fine just being alive, he doesn't mind, but he'll show me how to fish if I'm that desperate to be helpful. I think I'll take him up on the offer. He knows a lot._

_Of course he does, this kind of thing is in his nature. Techno was always a good hunter. And Phil, too. I know it's a stereotype, but it's not wrong. I'm not wrong._

_That doesn't mean the people sending all those awful messages are right. They seem to go much easier on me, and I know it's because of our differences (I despise the prejudice they spew every day, it's disgusting. Schlatt said he's used to it by now) but it's also because I'm more sympathetic as a 'character'. This is entertainment, after all. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I'm the well-spoken, soft, moral-seeming one. He's the one that's loud and violent and abrasive. Which is fine, he doesn't do much to sway their opinions, and they're mostly against us both, anyway. He's nice enough despite it._

_I don't want to talk about what happened today, but I suppose I must. That incident a week ago makes sense now. Before we were put in here, they gave us these little micro-implants in our ears (a horrid experience) made of some kind of metal. I didn't know what they were for, but we both assumed the messages were fed through them. We didn't know they could target us directly without the other person hearing. That's what happened to Schlatt. I don't know exactly what he heard, but someone must have paid good money for it just so it was confined only to his ears. Which I suppose isn't pleasant. I think his species hears things a lot louder than they actually are, no wonder he covered his ears like that when it happened. Now I know what that's like._

_Not sure what I expected, but it wasn't this. My little brother's screams. And not just any. Specifically, screams from the night I was taken away. He's only ten. That's how old Schlatt's son is, too. He told me. When it started I thought he could hear it too, but he couldn't, so I had to try to explain. I think I had a panic attack, but I blacked out. When I woke he was just... holding me._

_He apologised, but I didn't make a fuss. I said that's what friends do. He seemed confused._

_At least I know the screams aren't real. Schlatt said so. He said 'they just analyse speech patterns and find the most convincing match on their database, it's all synthetic'. Though, when I asked what he heard, he said he'd rather not talk about it. That's fair enough._

_He still locks his bedroom door. I don't know what he thinks I'll do. If I wanted to kill him, I would have tried (and failed) already. It doesn't matter much. At least he's being more open with me about his life. I wanted to know his son's name, but that's one of the things he won't tell me. So I don't tell him everything about my family. I think it would overwhelm him, if I went on and on about it all. Besides, he knows the most important things—the names of my brothers and father! He made a whole point out of learning them._

_Tomorrow, I'll learn how to fish, and maybe stop being so bored. It's a brighter day._

_\- Wilbur_

\---

_29_   
_Every day I don't tell him I feel like more of an asshole._   
_But I keep thinking if I tell him now, he'll hate me for not telling him sooner._   
_His brother's screams are what he heard today._   
_He had a panic attack._   
_It's so horrible._   
_And it's made me horrible, too._   
_I don't know why I tried to comfort him. I'm shit at that._   
_I just want to find the people responsible for all of this and scream in their faces until I can't anymore._   
_Then I'll kill them._   
_Maybe._   
_Does that make me a bad person?_   
_Eh._   
_In lighter news. 'Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime'._   
_I'm gonna teach this idiot how to fish, so help me God._   
_We'll need all the food we can get if we want to make it through winter._   
_Which, I don't know about him, but I do._   
_I wonder if the water will turn to ice._   
_We could try trapping fish in smaller ice-pools._   
_The possibilities!_   
_It's gonna be fun, I think._   
_Something to look forward to._   
_Wilbur's flaw is that he's too fucking sad all the time._   
_I get it, but also lighten up, man._   
_If he's happy, he won't try to kill me, and that's just a win-win in my books._   
_Of course, he misses his family. I miss my friends (and Tubbo, but I only knew him five years, it's fine)._   
_I wonder if any of them are watching._   
_Those bastards are probably sending half the goddamn messages._   
_I wish we hadn't left off on such a bad note._   
_Whatever._   
_No more time to be depressed._   
_They keep sending the screams, though._   
_And they're different every time._   
_I wish I could believe what I said to Wilbur._   
_It makes me want to rip the metal right out of my ears._   
_That would deafen me._   
_I don't know if I can deal with that._   
_Ah, well._   
_Until next time._   
_\- S_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys what the hell.


	7. Thirty-Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you saw me update the tags and set a chapter goal no you didn't.  
> (But actually double-check the tags for new tws)
> 
> Enjoy this while I fail to update my main fic.

_Day Thirty-Six_

_It's like I can feel the winter air coming in. The hours in each day get shorter and shorter, now only giving a little daylight to fish by. Today, Schlatt and I stayed out at the lake until after sundown, and still didn't catch anything. It's so hard when all you have are makeshift fishing rods and robotic voices that scare away the catch. Schlatt sulked off to the woods at some point, and usually, he'd come back with a rabbit or two, but he said they must be hiding from the cold. I wonder if they'll be trapped in their burrows when the water rises above their level. Will there be drowned rabbits floating in the water?_

_Aren't we the same? Doomed to a cold and bitter end? I noticed the water has covered the sand. We're about a tenth of the way to our deaths, now. But the water hasn't risen as much. I suppose it will start to rise quicker later on. That's how these things normally go, and people can pay to make the levels rise faster, just to scare us. Just to make us more eager to find a way out. And then, when we find nothing, we will turn on each other. That's what they want. They want us to give in to animalistic fear, and the rotten cavity of human nature._

_I won't let that inner monster take over. Schlatt's good person and I don't think he deserves to die. Does anyone? Not that I'd beat him if we did fight. Although, despite all the hunting he does, he doesn't look as strong now as he did at the start. I could probably overpower him if I wanted to. I don't want to. Murder is not the way out of here. There is no way out of here._

_Maybe if I lie to myself enough it'll become true. Our friendship certainly suffers from this rule. This loophole. But it doesn't matter. All I have to do is keep myself sane and make sure I don't give my housemate any reason to kill me. He's probably quicker to anger, after all._

_My messages have been odd lately. I haven't got any more screaming sounds, thank god, but they've been weirdly... supportive. I think I was right when I said I'm the more likeable character, because some of my messages are less targeted at me, and more encouraging my escape. They've been telling me to kill Schlatt, though they never use his name, always something nasty and derogatory, and I've been wondering if this is how Techno feels, what with all the 'voices' he has. Though no one can hear his voices, and Schlatt can certainly hear mine. It happened when I was watching him make dinner, and the way he flinched and glanced at the knife block just really upset me. I said sorry. He said it's not my fault. I guess not._

_Technically, I'm helping the two of us survive. I've caught a few fish and gutted a hare, but that's kind of it. Schlatt won't let me help with any cooking (which makes life tough on those days he doesn't emerge from his room) but I'm allowed to watch and make comments. Not too many comments or he'll tell me to shut the fuck up, but it's mostly friendly conversation._

_Today he kept stopping and covering his ears and scrunching up his face. It's the screams, I think. Or some other thing only he can hear. He told me it's his son, like I heard Tommy, and that it happens at least a few times a day. That's fine. It's usually a flinch during dinner or a moment where he can't hear my voice while fishing. He seemed different today, though. More affected. I tried to comfort him, but he didn't want to be babied. Fair enough._

_Both of us are getting used to the 'out-loud' messages. They haven't woken me up yet, probably because I'm a heavy sleeper, but Schlatt said they don't let him sleep at all. He's passed out a few times during the day, which worries me, and when I wake up in the mornings I can hear the messages still going through the walls. It must be hell._

_But we're getting through it. I'm positive about the future. I want to make this last year of our lives the best one it can be, no matter what kind of shit they throw at us._

_It's going to be okay._

_\- Wilbur_

\---

_36_   
_Haven't slept._   
_In 4 days._   
_Am seeing things._   
_Can't sleep._   
_They won't let me._   
_Keep seeing the water._   
_Keeps rising so fast._   
_Scared._   
_Tried to talk to Will today._   
_He knows something's off._   
_I don't know._   
_Won't let me sleep._   
_People can go 11 days maybe._   
_It's fine._   
_I'm fine._   
_Hallucinations._   
_Fuck._   
_Not a fan, gotta say._   
_Something in the earpieces._   
_Doesn't let me sleep._   
_Not sounds._   
_Like._   
_Chemicals._   
_I don't know._   
_I'm not an engineer._   
_I'm not a scientist._   
_Sounds too, though._   
_Also._   
_4 days no sleep._   
_So tired._   
_Please let me sleep._   
_Who paid for this?_   
_Don't I suffer enough?_   
_Water rising again. Rain. It's gonna drown us. So fast._   
_It's not real._   
_I'm fine._   
_You're fine._   
_Wonder how Q is._   
_Shouldn't be thinking about him._   
_Will. Will is who I should think about._   
_Wilbur Soot._   
_That guy._   
_Okay. Gotta sleep. Close eyes. Not sleep. I don't care._   
_Sorry._   
_Bye._   
_\- S_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hear you crying in the comments. Keep doing that, it's funny.
> 
> Not me bringing back the rosary trope... don't even look at me.


	8. Forty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleepless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy,,, how y'all doin',,,,,  
> UH here's an update.  
> enjoy??

_Day Forty-Three_

_I can't believe it's been almost fifty days. The water has completely overtaken the bank now, and everything feels a lot more real. Whenever I look down from my window it's like the water has risen again. I know that isn't true, but it's hard not to imagine. I keep having horrible dreams. I had one last night where the water was right at the top of the basin, and Schlatt and I were standing with our heads just above the surface. The rain kept coming down and down and we were so scared. Then I slipped and went under, and he screamed, and then there was nothing._

_When I awoke, I felt relief. Then I remembered that it would be real in a few months, and I cried. It's been a while since I cried. Honestly, it didn't feel right._

_It's incredible how the mind can get used to things. I got used to the idea of dying, Schlatt got used to the constant messages, we both got used to the idea of not murdering each other. But that isn't fun for them, is it? It's not entertainment. So they have to push us when we get too comfortable, make us suffer even more. With the paid system for the viewers, that isn't hard, giving the audience the choice of what to torture us with. Barbaric._

_I don't think they're bored of me yet. In fact, they seem supportive. Today I got no less than twenty messages encouraging me to kill my housemate and win my freedom. Of course, I'm not listening to them. I will never stoop to that level, even if we're so different, even if he's more likely to want to kill me. That's not his fault. It's in his nature._

_With Schlatt, they began hurting him in a different way out of their boredom. First, it was the screams (though I've adopted that too) but now they're withholding sleep. I don't know how they do it. There's something in his brain, or in his blood, some chemical or electricity or whatever, that doesn't let him sleep. He's given a rest every four or five days, but it's not enough. He's delirious most of the time, hallucinating all sorts of shit, and I didn't even notice until he told me. It's scary how much control they have over us._

_I've made him go on bed rest until they stop keeping him awake, which means I have to use the survival skills he taught me. It's lucky he did, I guess. He keeps complaining that I don't let him cook anymore, that he feels useless, but I tell him he'll pass out at the stove and set the place on fire. I'm not a good cook, but we're making do._

_Winter is nearing. It's much harder to stay alive when there's only one person to do the hunting and much less food to catch. But I caught a couple of catfish today, which was a first, and Schlatt said I cooked them well (he's kind of out of it, though, so his criticisms aren't the word of god). There are no more rabbits, so it's living on fish and whatever plants I can find for now. I hope it gets easier soon. Or we'll starve, and that isn't as entertaining. How long can someone go without food? I'll have to ask Schlatt._

_I'm still positive about the future. As I say, the mind can get used to anything. Schlatt will be back on his feet in no time, and winter will come and go, and then it'll be smooth sailing until the end. We just have to live. That's all._

_There was this conversation I had with Schlatt, about the point of all of this. He said, he said. "They don't wanna see us drown, they wanna see us fuckin' kill each other. Do you ever hear about the person who makes it out alive? Celebrities, some of them. Addicts and mental patients, too. They aren't free. Neither of us'll be free if we get outta here. That's just the way the world works, man." And he has a point. We've agreed not to kill each other, just to spite the audience. They won't get the satisfaction._

_I wish things weren't so complicated. I wish this was just about survival and death. I wish no one could watch. I wish I could talk to my family. I wish I wasn't stuck here. I wish they wouldn't push us to do horrible things. I wish I could catch more fish. I wish my farm worked. I wish Schlatt was okay. I wish I wasn't crying. I wish I had my guitar. I wish I could see my friends. I wish I wish I wish_

_Holy shit._

_Maybe I need to lie down._

_Goodbye for now._

_\- Wilbur_

\---

_43_   
_More day._   
_1 more day._   
_Fuck?_   
_Sleep in 1 day._   
_Or 2._   
_Hope not 2._   
_Got there in the end._   
_Tired._   
_Tired._   
_Tired._   
_Fuck you._   
_Shut up._   
_Screaming._   
_Voices._   
_Noises._   
_Stupid._   
_Why bother?_   
_Can't sleep anyway._   
_Wilbur._   
_Doing better._   
_Really good._   
_Proud?_   
_Maybe._   
_Making food._   
_Bastard._   
_But good._   
_Friend._   
_Don't know yet._   
_Stab in the back?_   
_I don't think so._   
_Taught man to fish!_   
_Hell yeah._   
_Only bitches die!_   
_Sometimes I pray._   
_Not enough._   
_Should read daily._   
_No Bible._   
_Can't._   
_Just have to remember._   
_Can barely keep eyes open._   
_Feel stupid._   
_Idiot._   
_Can't even write right._   
_Haha, write right._   
_Pun. Rhyme._   
_Now you're thinking about him.  
Charlie._   
_Good fucking job._   
_Don't think about him._   
_Any of them._   
_Think about Wilbur._   
_Yeah._   
_Not too much though._   
_Gay._   
_That's a joke._   
_Shut up screaming again._   
_Getting old._   
_Used to it._   
_Just shut up._   
_Annoying._   
_Bitch._   
_Sleep now._   
_No._   
_Pretend._   
_Bye._   
_\- S_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments or something :)


	9. Forty-Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The coming days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I'm doing :)  
> Enjoy this chapter uwu  
> Leave a comment perhaps?

_Day Forty-Eight_

_Winter must be closing in now. If I'm counting right, it's currently November 4th, give or take, so the nights are only getting longer from here on out. We don't have any heating, but I gathered some firewood and started a fire in the little brick corner of the house. We have to stay warm if we don't want to get sick. Especially since Schlatt is so weak._

_They still haven't let up on the whole insomnia thing. It's getting difficult to stay positive. There's something new happening, too, which is scaring me. I wake up to screams that aren't coming from my earpieces. It happened last night, and when I asked Schlatt about it this morning, he said he didn't respond. I think he's having hallucinations because he can't sleep. If this keeps up it'll kill him. I'm worried that he might snap and go all feral and try to kill me, but I don't know if my fear is just prejudice in disguise._

_Can hybrids go feral? I swear Dad talked about it once. Techno could..._

_I caught a bluegill today down at the lake. Not enough for two people, so I let Schlatt have it. I lied when he asked me if I was hungry. He would have offered his food to me if I told the truth, and he's far too vulnerable for that. Hopefully, I can get something better tomorrow. Fishing has become a chore and a waste of energy, but we have to stay alive. We have to, if only just to spite everyone._

_The days seem pretty pointless now. I know I'm supposed to be optimistic, but it's so hard. We're almost fifty days into this hell, and I feel worse with every sunrise. No music to keep me happy (no medication, either) no time to rest and appreciate life, no fish in the fucking lake that's going to kill us. Schlatt was right, I think the rabbits are going to drown in their burrows. We're just the same. We're going to drown. It's really sunk in, that thought. It used to bother me a lot, but now it just feels inevitable. Which is horrible, because I want it to still bother me, and I don't want to be apathetic to my own death. No one does!_

_But there is a point. Spite. Keep living out of spite. It's so funny that that's my motto. I wish I had something better to believe in, but I don't. I don't think I ever did. We both know we've been doomed from the start, so why did we continue? We could have just ended it on day one. And yet we didn't. What other reason is there, then, without spite? What other reason is there to live?_

_I found the meaning of life and it was spite. You can't see but I'm laughing right now. I should stop, actually, because I probably sound insane. Imagine being so depressed that spite is your only reason to live. What a life._

_The messages are getting more violent and less frequent. Most of them are asking me to kill Schlatt (which I'm still not going to do, don't get your hopes up) and the rest are pretty mild insults or something calling my friend an animal. In fact, one of them started defending me after an insulting message. Defending. It's like I'm not even a criminal to them anymore. I don't know if I like the change or not. There's still nothing from my family, though I'm sure they're watching. I feel like I write that every time. Oh well._

_Maybe one day in the future historians will find this book and know how much my family didn't message me and they'll feel bad about it. That sounds nice. Probably not though, the book will most likely be lost to time and water. And yet I write every day. Such is the way of the world._

_I hope I'm not forgotten._

_\- Wilbur_

\---

_48_   
_I'm deaf now._   
_I think._   
_Ripped out metal._   
_Earpieces._   
_Can't hear._   
_So deaf._   
_Awesome._   
_(Sarcasm)_   
_At least no more noise._   
_Quiet._   
_Nice._   
_Peaceful!_   
_Not dead yet!_   
_They'll let me sleep tonight._   
_It hurt._   
_(Ripping out metal)_   
_Blood._   
_Because were implanted._   
_Into skin._   
_And tissue?_   
_I don't know._   
_Don't know science._   
_Biology._   
_Think I fucked up the bone._   
_Bit came out._   
_That's not good, right?_   
_Ears have lots of bones, though._   
_Doesn't matter losing a few._   
_Probably._   
_Maybe?_   
_Eh._   
_Stupid sheep ears._   
_Get in the way anyway._   
_They hurt._   
_Really bad._   
_Should probably get help._   
_Tell Will._   
_Then he'd know._   
_No._   
_Deal with it._   
_On my own!_   
_I'm not a bitch._   
_I'll be fine._   
_At least Will is ok._   
_When did I start caring?_   
_Bye._   
_\- S_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nobody even look at me my Radiohead phase has begun


	10. Fifty-Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Singing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not procrastinating my 5000-word essay I should have finished at the weekend,,,, why would I ever do that?
> 
> Oh also *points gun* this isn't a shipping fic so get outta here with that nonsense, you little shits. If I see any shipping comments you WILL get clowned on. You've been warned!
> 
> Enjoy, though.

_Day Fifty-Five_

_It's like I'm all alone here. Schlatt shows his face more because he's getting normal sleep now, but it's like he doesn't even notice me. I guess it's good to have some company when I'm out at the lake, and being able to eat good food again is a treat, so I shouldn't complain too much. What I'm really worried about is if he's planning something. Like, something bad. For the first time in weeks, he's scaring me, and I don't know why._

_Maybe something happened. I never hear his messages anymore, despite them being so continuous and jarring before. If they're letting him sleep and his messages have been disabled, he might've done something drastic (or threatened to be less entertaining?) to get them to stop. I feel so sick when I try to think about it. Honestly, I'd rather not know what happened at all. I've become so close to Schlatt since the start of this imprisonment, it would be horrible to know he got hurt, or hurt himself, while I sat here and complained._

_I must stop complaining. It's not healthy._

_Who the hell am I to say what's healthy? I can't even think about my friend ignoring me without getting ill. He keeps looking at me like there's something he wants to tell me, but he stops himself every time. Why? What isn't he telling me?_

_He still prays, silently, before every meal. I join him sometimes. I don't know who I'm praying to, but I might as well get in the good books, as it were. Who knows what's waiting for me on the other side. I wonder if I could convince the audience to send us a bible. That might cheer Schlatt up! He kept talking about how he needed one, before all of this shit happened, and that he felt lost without it. Hey, maybe I could find an answer to all of this through some holy verse, or a reason to believe in an afterlife. I'd be sure to skip the story of Noah's arc, though._

_My messages are getting more positive every day. Or, sort of positive. Pro-me and anti-Schlatt, to a really weird extent. I can't even sit down to think anymore without someone telling me to go kill him. They're getting creative with their murder suggestions, too! 'Snap his neck' and 'butcher the sheep' are pretty common ones. I don't even know what I'd do if I were really alone. They don't come to collect bodies, so I'd have to bury him myself if I did. Too much effort._

_And, obviously, I don't want to kill someone. Especially not my only company._

_I'll tell you what, though, Schlatt is damn lucky to be a hybrid. He can eat certain plants and stuff that I can't, and I think he's naturally good at survival things. Now he's quiet all the time, he can catch the few rabbits still roaming the forest (well, the parts of the forest which haven't turned to swampland). It's an advantage now because winter is steadily approaching. I think there are a couple more weeks until December, but I couldn't be sure._

_Today I sang something. It was weird without my guitar, but I made do by tapping out a rhythm on my knee. Schlatt seemed content to watch and listen, even though he didn't respond to anything I said afterwards. Maybe the song was too depressing for him. I don't know, all my songs are depressing. It doesn't really matter._

_It's been raining non-stop for the past three days! I was worried because it scared the fish and made the water rise faster, but Schlatt didn't seem to care. He wandered down to the shore (ever-increasing) and fished for a good part of the day in the pouring rain, not even wearing a coat. When I went to check on him, he was shivering so severely I was surprised he could hold the fishing rod. He also might've been crying. I couldn't tell you. He didn't catch anything, but I looked under some rocks and found a few small crayfish and limpets, which Schlatt managed to make a meal out of. Salad, too. I don't know how he does it._

_It's all survival, I suppose. He's just better at it than me. Nothing much else happened today._

_\- Wilbur_

\---

_55_   
_How the fuck is he so dense?_   
_I'm literally deaf._   
_And he doesn't even realise._   
_Not that I want him to realise._   
_He's just so stupid._   
_Or unobservant._   
_Self-obsessed._   
_Whatever._   
_He keeps looking at me weird._   
_Like I'm doing something wrong._   
_I don't know, maybe I am. I haven't spoken to him even when he's talked to me._   
_Well, I can't hear him anyway._   
_But he did sing today._   
_God, it sounds gay, but I wish I could've heard him singing._   
_I bet it sounded great._   
_It took me a while to know that's what he was doing, but I pretended to listen when I figured it out._   
_He needs confidence._   
_At least he's got some survival skills!_   
_Knowing how to catch a meal when there's nothing to catch is going to be damn important if I die._   
_If._   
_Or if he kills me, which he might. I'm pretty insufferable._   
_It rained today._   
_Again._   
_When I went out I didn't think the rain was real._   
_It hadn't been before._   
_Then Will had to fucking find me, so cold I couldn't move._   
_And crying like a bitch._   
_He put a blanket around me and I thought it was the nicest shit anyone's ever done for me._   
_Also the gayest shit._   
_But that's alright._   
_Isn't that sad?_   
_Eh._   
_I'm sure my old friends would've done the same._   
_Still wonder if they're watching._   
_I wonder every day._   
_Maybe._   
_It'd be nice to have something to read._   
_Guess I could go read Will's journal._   
_That'd be really fucked up._   
_I'm not that fucked up._   
_Okay maybe I am but I'm not gonna read his shit._   
_It's probably a bunch of flowery poetry anyway._   
_Probably good flowery poetry._   
_But that's not my thing._   
_Wow. Tangent._   
_Oh._   
_Just realised I'll never hear my son's voice again. That's fucking depressing._   
_I guess that was true the moment I was put in here._   
_Hm. Don't think about it, Schlatt._   
_Just think about fishing and all that shit._   
_Or death._   
_Wait no that's more depressing._   
_Okay, I have to go stress out._   
_For fuck's sake._   
_Bye._   
_\- S_


	11. Sixty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Irony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you see me updating this instead of doing schoolwork no you didn't.
> 
> Anyways sorry for the long wait I am simply stupid and decided to start a new fic while working on two others. Enjoy this though, and maybe check out my other works if you're interested.

_Day Sixty-One_

_So I think I may be one of the dumbest people on Earth. He's deaf. He's fucking deaf because of course he is. It's so goddamn obvious. He told me once before he wanted to rip the earpieces out. It's been almost two weeks, and I only realised today. Not even out of my own observation skills, either, but out of sheer coincidence._

_I should've noticed the scars on the insides of his ears. I should've noticed the way he kept moving them as if they hurt. I should've noticed that he never heard me when I called out to him across the lake. Hell, he didn't have any messages for a week straight! But no, no, I noticed because of something completely out of my control, and something he didn't even know about._

_They must have found a way to put the metal back into his ears, but no reconstructive measures have been taken to fix his hearing. I wonder if they even can. Nonetheless, he has messages again, and they're worse because the audience knows he can't hear them. Maybe they think it's funny. Dramatic irony? Whatever it is, it's purely self-gratifying. Some of the messages get directed to me. It's like double what I already get (90% of my messages are trying to encourage me to commit violence against my roommate now, and his are starting to become the same) mixed in with his regular notes. But that's not what made me realise what had happened._

_He had been cutting carrots for dinner when the message came. I was watching, because he lets me watch, and I just... heard it and knew._

_'I'm ten now. I'm safe. Keep surviving. I love you. From Tubbo.'_

_The way he didn't react gave it away. I asked if Tubbo was his son by writing on a piece of spare paper. He looked confused and pained (probably because he never told me) and then I wrote again, asking if he was deaf. He froze up, but nodded, looking away as if it were something to be ashamed of. I had to tell him about the message, then, writing it down word-for-word as quickly as I could._

_I've never seen him cry. At least not like that, openly and emotionally in front of me. He's always been so closed off. I think it broke something in my chest when he just collapsed and curled up into a ball. He's never seemed more human than in that moment._

_After he had collected himself again, he sat down and apologised for not telling me. It was difficult to communicate with me writing everything down, but we got the hang of it in the end. He asked me some yes and no questions and we figured out a system, hopefully making it easier for us to talk in the future. He told me he can't hear a thing, and that his ears hurt like hell. I wrote that it was probably because he tore whole chunks of tissue and bone out of them._

_He might let me examine them soon, but he seems pretty wary at the moment. At least he's happy with the quiet. Obviously, the message upset him as much as it reassured him, but he doesn't have to deal with all the other, less-kind voices now. He can fish and hunt in peace without getting distracted, is what he told me. That's good. We need all the food we can get._

_It's the definite start of winter soon. The nights are short and the world is cold. I wake up in cold sweats after nightmares of what will become of me, a slowly rotting body at the bottom of a deep lake, lost to the void. Schlatt told me he dreams about that too. He said he started to hallucinate rain when he was being kept from sleep. Rain pouring down day after day and filling up the basin faster than we expected, drowning us within seconds with no escape._

_I think he trusts me because today he told me that he can't swim. He still keeps his door locked, though. That's okay. I get it._

_Tomorrow better be boring._

_\- Wilbur Soot_

\---

_61_   
_Finally._   
_He found out._   
_Took him long enough._   
_Note to self: don't cry in front of him again, you'll only start telling him shit._   
_Ugh._   
_It's good he told me about Tubbo's message._   
_That still feels weird to say._   
_I can't believe he's been watching._   
_I can't believe I didn't hear his message._   
_I can't believe I'm still keeping the message from Tommy's brother a secret._   
_Why?_   
_Why can't I just tell him?_   
_Because he'd get mad at me and I'm too much of a pussy to deal with that?_   
_Grow the fuck up, Schlatt._   
_I have nothing else to say._   
_It's been a while since an entry this short._   
_Or maybe my sentences are getting longer._   
_Eh._   
_It's okay I guess._   
_Still don't trust Wilbur, not fully._   
_Don't think he trusts me either._   
_Whatever._   
_Couple of guys not trusting each other._   
_That's how most of my friendships go._   
_Maybe I'll think about them again soon._   
_Not tonight._   
_Yeah._   
_Bye._   
_\- S_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bestie i cannot do this today  
> \- schlatt


	12. Sixty-Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonding and fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am in so much pain and yet I am updating this cause people like this one and it's quick to write! Hope you enjoy this update. I'm really enjoying writing this.
> 
> Once again. If I see any shippers it's on sight.

_Day Sixty-Seven_

_We caught a deer! Actually, no, I caught a deer. I shot it with a bow and arrow. Schlatt taught me how to use the one he made a few days ago, and I got to put my skills to the test. I shot it right in the eye, which made me feel bad, but the animal died pretty quickly. There's no need for unnecessary cruelty. It will feed us for about three weeks, Schlatt said, which will take us into winter if the meat lasts that long. It should if we store it properly. It'll last even longer if we break up the monotony with fish and vegetables. All the rabbits have gone into hiding now, though._

_Schlatt bled and skinned the deer outside our house so that the blood didn't flow into the lake. He said it might help the farm, but would only mess up the water, and make it harder to clean. I don't know if that's true. I don't know if he knows if it's true, either, but he said it as if he knew. I watched him do it, all silent and meticulous, and the sight of all that blood and gore made my stomach turn. How does he do it? Is it some kind of natural resilience?_

_I thought hybrids would be more sensitive to this kind of thing, especially a sheep hybrid such as himself. We never ate pork at home because Techno found it offensive. Maybe Schlatt wouldn't eat lamb? I must ask him, just in case it comes up somehow. If the Powers That Be gave us the opportunity to hunt sheep as well as deer, would he rather starve?_

_I'm sure it doesn't matter that much._

_When it got to the gutting and butchering of the animal, I had to leave. I'd initially wanted to help, but I couldn't handle the sight, something in my head just clicking and making me feel sick. The thoughts had all left by the time dinner rolled around, though. It was much better than fish._

_Am I turning into something I hate? I never used to be pro-hunting. I thought it was cruel to kill animals. I was practically vegetarian back at home, only eating meat once or twice a month, and now this is my daily life. Some days I tell myself I'd die without it. Some days it's hard to convince myself. It's Schlatt's fault, to an extent. He taught me how to hunt (though I did ask) and desensitized me to the concept of killing for food. He didn't even ask if I were a vegetarian. Maybe it doesn't matter in this context. We just eat what we can find and hope for the best._

_But Schlatt and I have been getting along well, I think. We can talk without talking, in a way. He can talk to me, but hardly ever does (perhaps because it unnerves him to not hear his own voice?) and I make vague gestures or write to him. We've gotten good at just kind of waving our hands around to tell each other things. It must look funny to the audience, like a mime show, but it's part of our bond. Part of the way we communicate._

_I think Schlatt likes it better that way. In the quiet. He likes space and quiet and time to himself. He'll get up and leave the room when he's had enough of seeing me. Not in a rude way, just in a way that tells me he's ready to be alone. I get it. I used to be like that back at home, when Tommy wouldn't leave me in peace or Phil kept talking to me even when I shut my bedroom door. Now all I want is to see them. To see people, and hang out with them, and talk to them, play for them. I miss everyone so much. I don't even know if they're watching. Schlatt is nice and all but I want to see people again, y'know? I want to see people._

_The water has risen up past the tree roots at the lowest levels of the forest. I'm scared. I'm scared I'll die not hearing anything from my family and friends. I'm scared I won't be able to tell if they do send a message because my messages are so bogged-down with support. I'm scared that Schlatt will turn on me because it's in his nature not to trust. I'm scared of dying and I'm scared of drowning. I'm scared. You would be too._

_The days keep getting darker. I can't tell if it's the seasons or me._

_\- Wilbur Soot_

\---

_67_   
_They didn't tell me there were bigger animals in the woods._   
_Bigger than rabbits and hares._   
_And catfish._   
_Honestly, I thought that arrow was coming for me._   
_I felt like the deer in that moment._   
_The arrow nearly grazed my ear._   
_Could've hit me right in the neck._   
_Then Will would be free.  
Or, guaranteed freedom eventually. He'd still have to survive._   
_Couldn't even hear it._   
_Can't hear shit._   
_I didn't think about how vulnerable I've made myself._   
_Stupid._   
_Stupid fucking idiot._   
_Deafening myself made me weak._   
_Will shot the deer like he'd been shooting for years._   
_How?_   
_I taught him how to hunt with the bow and arrow less than a week ago._   
_He's too good._   
_It'll be the death of me._   
_Don't want to die like that._   
_What if he sees me the same way he sees the deer?_   
_That's not fair._   
_My boy is watching. Maybe._   
_He can't watch me die._   
_Not like that._   
_Not like game._   
_I think gutting the thing put Will off a bit though._   
_But it's better than eating fish every day._   
_We got a good pluck from the deer, and it has meat on its bones. Everything can be used._   
_Maybe I'll give him the skin and we'll see if he can make some winter clothes._   
_I don't know._   
_Seems like a fucking waste to throw anything away._   
_At least I still do all the cooking._   
_He wanted to help until I told him I'd be cutting up organs._   
_Little bitch hid away in his room._   
_Funny._   
_Things are looking up. We could survive the winter at this rate._   
_Less than a week 'till it kicks in._   
_We'll be fine._   
_We have to be._   
_Bye._   
_\- S_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment and some kudos, I appreciate it!


	13. Seventy-Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda do love this fic a little bit... I hope you guys are enjoying it too. Even though I update inconsistently lol.  
> Mostly I just write this fic in between updating my main fics.
> 
> Anyways, here's the next instalment! Don't forget to drop a comment ;)

_Day Seventy-Six,_

_I got a message today. It didn't read out in the same monotone voice as normal, and I'm pretty sure it was only for my ears. Schlatt is deaf anyway but the principle still stands. The voice sounded like a man's voice. Or, actually, I think it was the voice of the judge at my trial, if I'm remembering right, which would make sense in the context. I didn't like the voice, but I liked what it said._

_My case is getting a repeal. I think my family might've pulled some strings and now everything's up in the air again. They're taking a look at the trial and my case while I'm in here, and they might let me go if they find me innocent. I think they will because I didn't do it. I am innocent. I didn't kill those people, and I don't even know who did._

_So I'm going to be let go. I'll escape, be freed, found innocent. I'll go back to my family. Life will be okay again._

_And Schlatt will die. He'll drown all alone and his body will be fished out with a net. I've seen them do it before. But we were both going to die in that way, dredged up at the end of a long, unforgiving year. Better one body than two. Better he dies and I survive? I don't know about that. Still, it feels like I'm abandoning him. I can imagine quite clearly him surviving on his own, all solitary and quiet and reserved, hunting for himself and no one else, saying grace at the table alone, waiting to die. That's... sad. Not that he doesn't deserve to be here (crime has to be punished one way or another) but I can't help but feel like a horrible person for this._

_We're friends, or close to it. I don't hate him. I don't even know what he did. He won't tell me. And he has a son, which just makes things worse because that means someone's waiting for him. I wish I could take him with me, sneak him out of here and hide us away at my house. Until they forgot about us. Phil would get us therapy or something. And medication._

_I miss a lot of things from home, but therapy is the one I didn't expect. One hour once a month to help with, well, everything. It was a lot of small issues that built into one big issue. Not even bad things necessarily, just things that made me different, and kind of weird. I guess it hasn't affected me much here. Maybe I was always suited to survival-type stuff. Maybe I could've been a farmer._

_If they do let me out, I hope it's soon. It's winter now, for real, and I feel the world getting colder already. The food we have will last us a while, but we'll soon be living off of what we can find. Schlatt says the lake will freeze over, making fishing impossible. I know a lot of people die around this stage. The people in this situation I mean, on death row. Most of them don't make it to spring. It's especially bad if they're thrown in around late December. They die straight away, almost. I don't know if we'll survive another three months of this. It's so cold._

_Then again, if they let me go, Schlatt has to deal with winter too. What if I watch him freeze to death from the comfort of my own home? What then? I don't know if I could deal with that. And I would watch. Of course I would. I can't just forget him if I get out of here. I'm not that much of a coward._

_The messages have been passionately violent today. I'm glad Schlatt can't hear them. I don't want them to start warping my perceptions, but god... I read back to some of my entries, and I feel like something has gone wrong. Something has changed in me. I used to care so much about offending. I used to care too much. Now, I can see things for what they are. They're not how the messages see them (the levels of prejudice they spout keep me from agreeing with them at all) but they're not all friendly and harmonious like I used to think. I guess that's what I get for being raised in a hybrid and human family. Warped realities._

_Some things are just different for hybrids, which is why they need different rules. That's fine._

_Obviously, I had to tell Schlatt about my case being repealed. He didn't seem to care, just going off to the kitchen to fix lunch. I'll have to talk to him about it properly at some point, make sure he understands that I'm not just trying to leave him to die, because that's probably how he sees it. There's always the chance that the repeal doesn't work. I wonder if that'd be the better option in his eyes. I'm sure it would be for me if the roles were reversed. I wouldn't want to be alone._

_I hope this doesn't ruin the friendship we've built, but if I can leave, I will._

_\- Wilbur Soot_

\---

_74_   
_He's getting out of here._   
_Good._   
_It's a good thing._   
_It is._   
_Why can't I see it as good?_   
_What's the difference between him being here and not being here? Company?_   
_Bitch!_   
_I wasn't going to kill him._   
_So it was either drown or get killed by him or starve or off myself._   
_Too much of a coward for that._   
_I'm glad he's going to be free._   
_Now the options will be drown or starve. Much better._   
_I don't know._   
_I'm gonna be alone._   
_It's so selfish._   
_I'm so selfish._   
_He has a family!_   
_They'll get to see him._   
_And they'll be happy._   
_And tell him they tried to message him._   
_And tell him I kept that from him._   
_Fuck._   
_I need to tell him, don't I?_   
_Before it's too late._   
_At least I could explain myself._   
_But what is there to explain?_   
_I was selfish again._   
_Always am._   
_I don't want to be alone._   
_I'm so fucking scared._   
_God._   
_No, God isn't listening._   
_The only Gods are the men who put us here._   
_I feel wrong._   
_Wrong and aimless._   
_No God to help me now._   
_I stopped praying before going to sleep._   
_For fuck's sake._   
_I don't know what I'll do._   
_If he gets out._   
_I'll just have to wait._   
_And wait._   
_Alone._   
_\- S_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear if I start seeing shippers I will commit crimes. 
> 
> In other news I Am So Emo over this fic.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry it only gets sadder as time progresses :)
> 
> Leave a comment if you like what you see ;D have a nice day!


End file.
